Why Men Lose Interest in the Woman – Guy’s Perspective
By Ana Marino
The million Dollar Question
Many women have the frustrating experience of going out with a guy on one or a few dates, thinking that things go well between the two of them, and then having that guy suddenly stop calling and disappear. It is probably not a big deal when it happens with one or two guys, but if that is your experience with men over and over, it is hard to not take this personally and not start believing that there is something about you that turns men off and makes those men lose interest in you.
We women have our own theories and perspectives. I understand that every dating situation and every interaction between people is unique and different so the the reasons behind the guy losing interest are just as different. Still there are several common underlying causes which remain the same.
A Man’s perspective
I though it was only fair to hear from men why they lose interest. There has to be more than just “not the right chemistry” BS they give us to presumably protect us. I also know for a fact that all guys are not just trying to get under women’s skirts. Many, if not most, are actually looking for long term dating partners and even serious relationships.
Five Top Reasons for a Man to lose Interest in Women They Dated
These are six top reason why guys lose interest and what you can do to about them. A warning first: some of them would sound harsh. I don’t believe in the recent over movement of “everything-must-be-politically-correct”. Important matters have different opinions. Some opinions may not be easy to hear or understand. Yet no serious dialog could take place if we don’t even allow for those opinions to be spoken. So read them and use them to improve your relationships. Stop reading if you find them too harsh or offensive. Fair enough? 🙂
1. You have let yourself go
It is a cruel fact but a still very true fact that a man loses interest in a woman if he is not physically attracted to her. Guys are wired this way. They are very visual. That said, most men are not looking for a perfect 10 model. They may dream about it but most are not really looking for that. Many guys I questioned complained that the women started paying attention to her looks, her clothes and her weight as soon as things started getting bit long term. So what to do? An honest self analysis. What did he like about you physically that has changed. Obviously looks haven’t changed. So what is it? weight gain?
2. You talk too much.
No matter how smart a person is nobody likes one who dominates a conversation….ALL THE TIME. Other gets bored and quite honestly frustrated. My guy friend told me how he and many of friends met and dated some incredibly beautiful women but simply couldn’t stand being around some of them because they simply wouldn’t stop talking. While it’s obvious when someone else talks a lot, it’s not nearly as noticeable when you have to evaluate your own conversational habits. Thus, I encourage you to ask your friends whether they think you talk too much or interrupt their conversation or otherwise dominate your interaction. Encourage them to be honest and not tell you what you want to hear, but instead – tell you how it is.
3. You are too uptight.
My guy friend told me this story. This girls told he once on the phone that she couldn’t meet me because her car broke down, to which he replied: “Well, that’s what happens when you let women drive.” Instead of laughing at the comment as most women would, she got angry, thought he was serious, hung up on him and later demanded an apology. Few things are bigger turn-offs and are more unattractive than a woman who can’t take a joke. Even if the joke is not to your taste, there is a polite way to convey that rather than being rude. Also, it’s OK to be offended by really offensive dark humor, sarcasm and sexual comments but can’t be too uptight.
4. You are boring.
If you don’t have much to say, thoughts to share and ways to respond with to what the guy says, thinks and believes in, you are not going to catch a great guy’s interest for very long. Boring dates feel like a torture, and no one is interested in going into one or sticking around when they realize that they have to push the conversation to simply fill the time. Surely there is no shortcut to become a more interesting person, but there is a great, long-term solution – you started learning more things about yourself, about your environment and the world. TV, magazines, books, meeting new people, watching shoes, and engaging in social events will give you much more material to think about and form your views on. Surely, there is a lot of junk out there on TV and in magazines, but there is also lots of good material, and it is your duty to choose and “filter” the bad stuff out. As you become a more interesting woman, this will go far beyond improving your dating life and will make you much more attractive and interesting to your friends, and co-workers, and will likely create new social and professional opportunities for you that you didn’t even think existed and were available to you.
5. You are a victim of your past
Many women had a bad relationship with a guy who is controlling and possessive at least once in their lives. Breaking up with such a guy feels like a very liberating experience – like putting more air in your lungs, like letting your tied wings go free, if you will. A woman who undergoes such a bad relationship in which she submitted to the guy’s control and possessiveness, jumps into another extreme with the other guys that she meets later. She makes it a point to show to every guy she meets that she is not going to “obey” him and do what she wants. She will do the opposite from what the guys asks or suggests just for the sake of showing that no one can tell her what to do, and that she decides what she does for herself. This is unfortunate because it creates unnecessary problems and challenges in communication. If you believe that you create such challenges in your interaction with men, you should do your best to not let your past negative experience with a jealous guy affect your present and future interactions with men.
6. You are not a good sex partner.
This is tricky one. Many women think all the guy wants is sex. That is not true. Still sex is very important for a man in the relationship and for women too. But most men will avoid sex if it is not exciting and fulfilling. I know it sounds wrong but that what many guys told me. So what defines “good sex”? While this could vary vastly from person to person, everyone wants to have an emotional bond and memorable experience. It is a big turn off for most men in relationship if they feel they are the only one interested in sex and the woman is barely putting up with this aspect to keep him in the relationship. This column is not about sex tips. But if you think you need some help to spice up your sex routine, there are many great sites and advice available for women. Seek them out!
It is impossible to fully protect yourself from dating a guy who will lose interest in you at any point. However, by paying attention to the above six possible issues that you might be having in your interactions with guys, you will dramatically improve the chances of keeping any guy’s interest and coming across as a more attractive and desirable woman.